The last three
weeks of my life have been a completely new, almost surreal experience for me. When I got back to campus after my semester
abroad, something felt “off.” At first, I thought that it had something to do
with the fact that I had not been on campus since I led summer orientation in
June. Seeing that the world of campus
had continued to move forward while I was gone despite the feeling that I had
never left, was a bit disorienting. The
world seemed to be moving at a different pace than what I was used to. I felt like I was moving slowly through water
while I walked across campus, while the familiar transformed into the
unfamiliar. The first week back on
campus moved past me in a blur. I
thought this was just a part of adjusting back to life in America after
spending an extended period of time in a different country.
The second week back on campus did
not make me feel like I was adjusting well.
The days seemed simultaneously endless and too short. I was dealing with constant headaches that
made my classes seem to last forever. At
the same time, I would get home from my classes and feel like it was late at
night and time to go to bed, even though it was only 7 p.m.! I was cutting my days short, going to bed
hours earlier than I normally would in hopes of getting the headaches to
stop. I was trying to use my time
constructively, but this just led to more confusion when I did not get any
better, and the hours continued to feel drawn out by my pain.
The third week gave me answers. As my throat began to close up, I went to the
doctor and was diagnosed with mono. This
is the most frustrating diagnosis, because the only cure appears to be
time. I am left waiting for my health to
return to normal, and the wait has been incredibly frustrating. Time has continued to be a strange experience
for me. As I have had to spend my days
resting and doing school work, I have been mostly isolated from socializing. Because I am not really able to spend a lot
of time with my friends, the days have dragged on and felt like weeks. My own personal perception of time has not
felt normal in weeks, and most of that is due to the circumstances of my
illness.
While reading The Martian, one line rang true with me after my three weeks of
illness and self-imposed isolation.
Mark’s one log entry is punctuated with, “After all, I’ve got nothing
but time” (40). This quote really
resonated with me after the experience I had with being sick for so long. Because I had to remove socializing from my
life for a bit so that I could recover, I was left with a lot of time that was
not being used. Like Mark, I had nothing
but time as I laid on the couch and hoped that my health would return. Unlike Mark, I am not completely isolated on
a planet where people have presumed I am dead.
Time in Mark’s situation, however, was still different than the time that
I had. For him, time means survival. He has lost everything else in his life
because he is presumed dead, but he is still left with time. This connects back to the Martin Luther King
Jr. reading from last week that states that time is a neutral force in the
world. In Mark’s situation, he uses it
constructively. He spends hours working
towards building up his indoor farm and calculating what he needs to be able to
survive. More importantly, every hour
that he stays alive gets him one step closer to being rescued. In a situation like this, I would imagine
that his awareness of the world around him functions differently than he would
have if he was living a normal life on Earth.
His thoughts further show the importance of using his time
constructively. He notes in the log, “All that work was great for my morale. It
gave me something to do. But after things settled down a bit, and I had dinner
while listening to Johanssen’s Beatles music collection, I got depressed again”
(17). When Mark is using his time constructively, he is able to feel like he
has something to live for. Work prevents
him from dwelling on the desperation of his situation. Being left with empty time allows the more
depressed thoughts to enter his mind.
The constructive use of his time allows Mark to move forward towards without
being weighed down by the possibilities of death.
Being left with hours of free time
can alter the way that one perceives time.
In the case of my illness, I have been left alone for hours on end,
making the days drag out to feel like weeks.
Being isolated for a few days made the experience of being sick made my
sense of time warp, and time seemed to be the only powerful force in my life at
the time. For Mark, time also consumes
his existence, but it is even more important for him. Time means survival, and it must be used
properly to prevent him from falling into a dark place where he loses his hope.
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