Bechdel, Fun Home

A time that created much wonder for me was when my grandfather passed March 12, 2016. It was a very confusing time and the first time I ever realized how close death really was. I realized in that moment that death could truly happen to anyone, even those you think are the most invincible. At this moment I was a freshman in college, beginning to truly feel what it means to be an adult and to conduct myself in a professional manner. I had always looked to my grandfather a retired military man for this guidance because he knows first hand what it means to stand upright, shoulders back and to show confidence and professionalism even if one was to not truly possess these qualities. Everyday I went to visit him before his death, I tried to prevent it. I always asked the nurse what was going on an what they were doing to treat his cancer. No one told me it was as bad as it was, not even my grandfather. I didn't know that he was previously diagnosed with cancer, but survived and the cancer came back.

My family was never a family to discuss personal matters, it was taboo. Talking about someone having cancer or even dying was against my family's norms. In this moment, I realized I wanted this to change. I didn't to continue to keep sensitive matters in the dark. I wanted my family to be open and honest about everything, but I soon realized the way in which my grandparents were raised and the times that they were raised it. You weren't allowed to speak on sensitive matters. You weren't even allowed to question authority. It was the idea of "be seen and not heard." Thats what I call it. You were allowed to be seen, but not heard. If you were to talk back even in a polite manner, it  is considered disrespect and to this very day, my grandmother still considers this to be so.

 I decided to convert to Catholicism, which for a baptist/protestant family, this was a crime against the family. Even to this day, a black Catholic is rare and basically unheard of. If you are black, you are expected to be a protestant democrat, no if, ands, or buts, about it. Going outside of this norm is treacherous and causes many problems. I have struggled to get people to understand many of the reasons I chose to worship in this way. I think it goes back to my traditional family values. It was the first time in which I was able to be heard and be seen through my religion and it was the first time, I was able to look back on my childhood and my relationships with my family members, especially my grandparents and understand that it was not their doing themselves, but it was more of their upbringing and the idea that authority was not meant to be challenged. They were taught to understand this and although, I was taught in the very same way, my new faith allowed me to change these beliefs and follow a new set of ethics that embodied respect in a completely different way.

Like Alison Bechdel, I struggled with my identity. I struggled to understand it and even just went with it until there was a death of someone very close to me and then I began to see the world in a different lens I began to want to seek answers and the truth of what was once considered taboo. In the first chapter of the novel, Allison makes a point that her father Bruce tries to make her family seem pretty on the outside even though it is dysfunctional in the inside. Relating to this, I think this was the key behind "be seen and not heard." One is to not voice hoe dysfunctional things are within a family because it makes the family look bad and the one thing that is key is a family's reputation. If a family has a good reputation, they have everything basically. When a family looks dysfunction, this brings shame and makes the family look down upon. This was the idea that my family embodied. Allison's mother Helen makes it a point to thus tell the children that they are to not discuss their dad's appearance. These little nuances are what created secrecy and begins to form conflict and turmoil within oneself and the family. I think this is why Allison has to search for answers because there are hidden family secrets that were once not talked about. I think when one is able to have an open and honest conversation with their family, a child is able to flourish better. A child is able to understand the world in a completely different context rather than looking at a world full of secrecy.